Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
