Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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