Apparently you make a good broom.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
