Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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