I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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