yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
