Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
