I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
