do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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