Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
COCAINE IS GR8
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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