JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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