covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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