His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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