I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
