I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
