You just made me feel so damn special
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize