Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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