So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
