Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
