I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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