Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
the day after is always just damage control
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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