Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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