Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
