So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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