Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
