Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
