so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
