my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
