I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
