dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
