We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I cut my penus on the lid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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