this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
