i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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