I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
