and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
