I got chris browned last night
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
