they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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