Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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