I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
