woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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