allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
