please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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