As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
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"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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