Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
