You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
