Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
