Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
