just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
