he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
