Umm I'm too high to move.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You took a bar mat shot.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
