We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
