I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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