Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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