I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
