Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
