Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
