You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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