ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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