Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
