I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
