dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
