just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
