Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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