then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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