Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Randomize
