All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
This baby is an asshole
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
